Why Doing “All the Right Things” Is Keeping You Stuck; May Insights

Why Doing “All the Right Things” Is Keeping You Stuck (And What Actually Moves You Forward)

Description (SEO-rich opening paragraph):
If you’ve ever felt like you’re doing everything right—checking the boxes, staying productive, following the plan—but still not seeing the results you want, this episode will shift how you see momentum entirely. In this May Insights conversation, Christina and K. Margaret unpack the hidden pattern behind feeling stuck despite constant action, and why productivity alone isn’t the answer.

What This Episode Covers:
This behind-the-scenes conversation explores the deeper dynamics that keep high-capacity women in cycles of effort without real movement. Instead of surface-level strategies, you’ll hear how identity, focus, and energy allocation shape your results far more than your to-do list.

Key Topics Discussed:

•  Why doing more can actually slow your progress 
•  The difference between movement and momentum
•  How overconsumption of strategies disconnects you from your own direction 
•  The hidden cost of trying to do everything at once 
•  Identity shifts: from “doing enough” to “being enough” 
•  Focused energy vs. scattered energy—and why it changes everything 
•  Letting go (temporarily) without losing who you are 
•  How alignment actually works in real life (not the Instagram version) 
•  Reframing uncertainty and removing pressure from outcomes 
•  Opening the door to opportunity instead of forcing it 

A Key Insight From This Episode:
You’re not stuck because you’re not doing enough. You’re stuck because your energy is spread too thin across too many things that don’t actually create momentum.

Practical Takeaway:
Ask yourself:
👉 What is the one area that would create the biggest shift if I focused on it fully?
👉 What am I willing to set down—just for now—to make space for that?

Why This Matters:
Most women aren’t lacking discipline or strategy—they’re operating from a pattern of overextension and misaligned effort. When you shift how you focus your energy, everything changes: your results, your capacity, and how you experience your life.

Next Step:
If this episode resonated, your next step isn’t to do more—it’s to identify the hidden pattern driving your current cycle.
→ Take the Find Your Hidden Patterns quiz or book a Reveal Session to uncover what’s actually keeping you stuck.

Resources Mentioned:

• Join The Village: Click here to connect with our community.
• Sign up for the Momentum Challenge: Click here to get started.

Resources & Links

• Follow Christina @christinaslaback
• Email us at hello@christinaslaback.com
• www.christinaslaback.com

Transcript

 ​ What if the reason you're not seeing the momentum you want isn't because you need a better system, but because you're spreading your energy across too many things that don't actually move you forward? In today's May Insights conversation, you're getting a real behind-the-scenes look at what this work actually looks like in practice. This isn't a polished, here's-what-worked conversation. It's honest, it's reflective, and it's happening in real time. Kay Margaret and I dig into the tension that so many high-capacity women live in, the pull between doing all the things and actually moving the needle in a meaningful way. We talk about what happens when productivity becomes a trap, how you can unknowingly remove yourself from your own process, and what shifts when you start focusing your energy in a more intentional way. This conversation also explores identity, who you believe you are when you're doing everything versus who you become when you allow yourself to focus, let go, and trust your own direction. If you've been feeling like you're doing a lot but not actually getting where you wanna go, this one's for you Welcome to Clear and on Purpose. I'm Christina, and around here, we slow down, get honest, and talk about the real-life moments that shape us. Each week, I share personal stories, perspective shifts, and simple truths to help you live with more intention and ease. I'm glad you're here. Hello, Christina again. Welcome. Exciting to see you. How are you? I am, I'm doing really well. How about you? Also doing well. And, uh, we don't use visuals right now for the podcast, but we're both wearing green and I thought that was a good sign. We're so in tune. We also talked about that we just. Wanted to review our months and didn't necessarily have a specific topic in mind for this month, but that for me, that was a good sign. Uh, I had the pleasure of working with you and seeing your coaching abilities and results this past month, and that's really shown me another aspect of tuning in. That. Tuning in doesn't just mean tuning into your inner wisdom and your, uh, intuition, but also. Focusing, like not putting all your efforts onto everything. I'm definitely somebody who enjoys knocking all the things off my to-do list, and that feels very empowering and satisfying. But I don't think necessarily moves gets momentum rolling and moves everything forward as I would expect. So you've helped me focus my efforts and, and tune into what. What actions would really speak to those desires and needs and, and goals. So thank you for that. Yeah, no, I appreciate that. I am curious when you're talking about. How, like it's not just tuning into your intuition. 'cause I think that this is something that a lot of people will relate to too, is that we get all of this feedback of like, tune into your intuition, trust, do all the work, do all the things. Um, we're trying to get balance. And I think to your, your point, and if I'm hearing you correctly, it's that trying to do all of it and checking all the things off your list is actually. It's keeping you kind of in this, this field that you're in, right? So you're, you're making movements, but because you're like centered in this circle of all these things that you're doing and you're making a little move here and a little move here and you're just kind of standing like your, your circle could be getting bigger, but I think that. When you're taking in your, you're intentionally focused on what are the key things that I want to do now that then you can actually start to move and make more movement forward, even though you're not necessarily focused on all of the things. Is that? Yes, and I think that you showed me also that. In my attempts to move forward and feel empowered, I was actually giving that power away 'cause I had absorbed all this information about what it would take to get there, where I wanna go and bring my business and my life and everything. And so I had taken all that learning and kind of set up all these to-do lists and go, great. I just gotta trust the process and show up and I'm happy to show up. I'm definitely a worker bee in that sense, but it wasn't. It, it, it remove you helped me see that I kind of, what's the right word? It removed me from this from the equation. Even though this was all for me and my life, uh, my business. So focusing helped me go, oh wait, this is me setting that goalpost or that mile marker, or the what's next? And me focusing my efforts and not necessarily. Putting away everything I've learned, but really fine tuning it so that it feels like you said, you're not kind of putting away your intuition, but you're aligning with it. So instead of taking all these ways, other people's ways of getting there, you kind of go, okay, I've learned all this. What do I really want out of it? How do I align with that? Yeah, I think that that is a really great revelation to have too, because. It's really bringing it full circle because you're, you've, you've spent a lot of time and I think we, um, spend a lot of time consuming trying to figure out what the right way to do things are, what we're supposed to be doing, all of these things to make sure that we're not. Missing anything. I think I, I think that's how I do it, right, is that I'll look and I'll, I'll wanna make sure that I'm, get, getting all my bases, I'm covering everything and I'm doing all the things that I'm supposed to do sometimes. And I think that it can become something where, for a lot of people, where it does become like, all right, I'm just checking the box and I'm just doing the things that I need to do. This is what I, I'm supposed to be doing. And then you're. There's a lot of, catchphrase or whatever with embodied and aligned and all of these things, but it's actually just like you're talking about like removing yourself from it. So it's not that I am doing these and I'm looking at it and I'm reflecting and saying, what are the things that are really pertinent to me? What are the things and the areas that I really want to do to like make the biggest impact? It's just, did I get all the things done that I was supposed to get done today? And it can feel really. Productive in one sense because you're checking a lot of things off. But also I think that that's where that stuck feeling of that misalignment of like, well, why is nothing changing? Mm-hmm. Or why am I not seeing the results that I want? And I think that that is really frustrating for a lot of people. Is. You know, they are, they're, they feel like they're doing all the things that they need to, and I think that looking at it and being able to say, no, let's take a step back. Let's like, let go of the checklist. Let's let go of those to-dos for a little bit and let's check back in to us and to myself and to figure out what actually is. The best next step for me and the areas that I need to, and I think that you hit on something that I have also been feeling like I've been. Having to just kind of fine tune over and over again. And that is that like dispersal of energy versus the focused energy. Hmm. And being able to take and say, okay, all of these other things, they're great, whatever. They're on the back burner right now. And I am consciously saying that I'm not giving all of my time and energy to them because I'm taking my time and energy and I'm putting it in this one and focusing on one thing. And you can make a lot of. Momentum in a short amount of time. If you're putting your energy into that, that one area. Yes. Agreed. And you can always pick it up later. Yes. That's another thing at that it's not the same, but you know how sometimes we have to grieve the person we thought we would've been at this stage. It kind of feels like that when you set aside some things that mean a lot to you on your to-do list. And it's tough to make peace with the fact that just 'cause you're setting it aside. Temporarily doesn't mean that you aren't that person. It just means right now in this season, you're focusing on something else because you can see that is the bridge to get you where you wanna go or you get to do everything. Yeah. Yeah. It that makes a lot of sense. Yeah. And I think that too, like as you're talking about this and it's, it is because I think that we have expectations on how we view what we need to do. And I think that this is one of the biggest things that I see with the women that I work with, with the women that I talk to. Like this is just, we are trying to do all of it. All the time right now. And so if, if you let go of something like that's part of this unconscious identity that you've created for yourself, and so many women are like, I am the strong one. I am the capable one. I can do the things. And we prove to ourselves over and over again. Yeah, look at me. I am doing the things. I am doing all this stuff, but it's at what expense? And it's usually at the expense of ourselves and. Being able to go back and be able to say no. Like I'm consciously going to, and I think this is something that you did wonderfully well too, is like, no, you're like, I'm all in. I'm gonna, I'm just gonna go. I'm gonna do this. And there wasn't like a pushback too much and like, I have to maintain all of this. But I think that. Being able to say, no, I'm consciously letting go of these and it does not mean that I am not these things. And I think too, like I can say like I'm a runner even though I haven't run for the last few months 'cause spend winter or whatever. Like you can still have the identity and you can still own the identity and not actually be doing that right now just because. That's not your priority right now, and you're doing other things. And so being able to be a little bit more gracious with ourselves and our identity so that we're actually filling this wholeness that we want, because it's great to be able to say all these things. I'm the capable and I'm strong on, I'm building a business. I'm working full time. I'm a fa, I'm a mother. I'm a wife. I'm a what? Like all of these different labels that we have. Being able to say like, I have these high standards and I, I know what I want and I know how I wanna show up in all these ways and I'm gonna focus on these things that are most important to me right now. These are the things that are crying out for my attention. These are the things that I know that if I start to really push on that. It's gonna make a difference. And honestly, when you put that focus on, and I think that, you know, you had this, uh, as well too, where it's just like, I'm putting my focus and then it's like, oh, some of these things show up. And I didn't realize that that was there and I didn't realize because I wasn't pushing forward enough To realize that I was just the resistance and scary feelings. Yeah. Yes. And I think you also in this conversation have shown me that. You've reminded and I've preached about it, but the being versus the doing, I think it's this mind trap that I've fall so easily into that if I do all the right things, I will get there and then I will feel good when the point is to feel good, or like you said, that identity piece to own that. And how can you align your actions with that experience of life? That is the point. Yes. And like identifying more so, and I think that this is one of the biggest things that I saw for myself too is I identifying that I am a person that is interested in feeling my best. That I am a person that is committed. To feeling really good in the life that I have, regardless of outside circumstances and that identity going above any of the other ones. So yeah, I can be this amazing hostess or whatever, and I can have all these people over and I can do this stuff, but if that's gonna go against that overarching identity of like, I wanna feel really good and honestly at this point, like that might feel really stressful. Then I let that other one go and I take on like being able to change up and reframe the way that you're thinking about it. So it's not how many things can I get done this week, but it's how am I gonna set myself up so that this week I'm doing really well and I'm getting the things done that I need to, and also next week when I'm still gonna have to show up, how am I setting myself up so that I'm gonna be in a good place where I'm gonna have energy then too? Because if I'm. Cranking it all out this week. I know that next week's me is gonna feel exhausted. She's gonna feel fatigued. She might be getting sick, like. How can I do all of these things that I am taking into consideration? How I want to show up as an overarching rather than just like, I just need to get through this because, you know, if I just get through this week, it'll get easier. If I just get through this month, it'll get easier. If I just get through the summer or the school year or whatever it is, then my life will calm down. But in reality, I'm in charge of that and I'm the one that's creating that hamster wheel. So like, what can I do to know that I am gonna be in this for the long haul and I'm gonna need energy in all of these other ways too. So I'm, I want to be committed to that and I wanna choose how I feel and how I show up. Yes. And aligning, even though I love goals. I know some people despise the word goal, but the idea of it, it, I find it really helpful to have that guiding light. At this same time, I think it's really wonderful that you also gave me the gift of getting, of releasing that, like having a goal in mind, but that not being the end all be all and aligning more with the excitement of believing in what might be possible. So like now it's exciting to show up 'cause I'm like, okay, well I don't know if this is gonna work. I don't know if it's gonna be great. I don't know if I'm gonna fail. I don't know. Like there are all these, I don't knows. But on top of that, the excitement to see what might be happening and what might be possible is bigger. And I think it's really fun to align with that. And that also gives, uh, it's another thing you helped me with relieves the pressures throughout the day. There, there are too many things on my list right now to be done and commitments to show up for I can't keep up. But I don't sweat the small stuff as much because. I'm still aligned with excitement like, yeah, well that stinks. I didn't do the best on that, but you know what, tomorrow I might do better. Let's go. Yeah, it's not as heavy and what a beautiful gift too, to have like, I'm just going to be excited and just interested in what can happen and like the possibility rather than the expectation. Like I'm not expecting a certain result so I can just embrace Yeah, because, and just be open That result. Also, um, so with, was it Abraham Hicks? Hicks that says that everything is like a stick with two ends or a coined with two sides. And so that, that expectation of how I wanted something to be then also came with the flip side of I wasn't there, and that lack and that desperation. So letting that all go and just focusing on the excitement and not necessarily the daily barrage of, oof, you're not there yet. You know, negative thoughts is a lightness. Yeah. Yeah. And I think that it, you like bringing in, like you're just saying, like having that ability to see the possibility so that it's not this heaviness that's weight on it. Uh, lets the pressure off a little bit and it lets you be able to play a little bit and have a little bit more fun because it's all just learning. And so it doesn't matter. And this is something I, in all transparency to our listeners and whatever, like this is something. That has probably been one of the hardest things for me to learn. And that is like, success doesn't have to look a certain way. It doesn't have to be the certain thing. I have very high standards. I'm a like recovering type A whatever, like very specific ideas of what things should look like and like you're saying, like looking around and saying, oh, well this isn't the way I thought that it was going to, or, this isn't the way I thought it was going to. And really being able to be really hard on myself about some of those things. And I think that. That mindset kept me, I thought it was pushing me, I thought it was driving me. I thought that it was making me better. Mm-hmm. And what it was honestly doing is was making me smaller. It was making me take less risks because if I wasn't sure that I was gonna actually, you know, hit it out of the ballpark and nail it I wasn't gonna do it. 'cause why would I set myself up for something? And so having the ability to, like you're saying like. Being able to look at it and say, I don't know what this is gonna look like. I don't know how I'm gonna show up, but I'm learning so much more about me, about what comes up. About what? Mm-hmm. These limiting beliefs or this resistance like we're talking about, like all of these things that I. Are under the surface. And I think that so often we can sit there and we can say, oh, so and so said to do it this way, so I need to show up and I need to do these things and, and whatever. And so we might do it and we might push through and we're wondering why we're not getting the same results. And it's because what's underneath is different for us. So we might be pushing through and it might be coming across as being pushed through, or we might be. Showing up in an energy that is just not fitting for us, and we're trying to conform ourselves into what it should look like for somebody else rather than I'm gonna get really curious about what it looks like for me and what. Me showing up fully as me, uh, feels like, because that's what's going to make the most difference. That's what's going to feel the best for me. That's what's gonna be the most exciting, the most fun. That's what's gonna bring me the most opportunities, the most possibilities is if I am just really fully inhabiting. Who I am and moving from that place and growing from that place. 'cause I might have different things that I need to work on or grow in or do things than somebody over there. But the basic, getting down to it is just. Finding what those underlying those underlying, uh, limitations might be. And then just getting curious and being like, okay, no, I'm gonna let go of the idea of what it's supposed to look like, and I'm just gonna embrace what it looks like for me, and I'm just gonna try it. And see and maybe, yeah, sorry to interrupt. And being honest with where you are, which I think is what you're saying too. And another thing you taught me, 'cause a lot of times working through the different process, huge resistance came up. It was almost funny, hilarious. Like I remember once trying to write an email and physically, uh, my fingers wouldn't move. And I was like, this is, I write emails all day long, what's going on? And so then having to like tune in and understand that is. It's also just being honest with where you are and a, and appreciating that. So I think that's, yeah. Awesome. How, how do you think we can take all this? Yeah. Ref also, I appreciate this feels like a new definition of alignment, whereas I used, and maybe I've said this before, for me, alignment used to feel like. That pushing of having to like line up everything else in my life into a straight line with me. And now it feels more like, okay, figure out what light, where your light is, what's important to you. And then from there make decisions and allow the staff to line up with you. Um, how can we take that into May into the next month? Yeah. I think that, I think this was a really great opportunity for being able to, I. Own those parts of ourselves to get curious, to get interested in like growing and changing. I mean, we are moving into this like full on spring mode where everything around us is growing. It's changing, it's the buds are starting to burst open and I'm looking at. One of my favorite quotes about it is like, when the pain of being in the bud and I'm gonna butcher the delivery, but when the pain of, of being encased in the bud is too much, that you have to burst forward and open up. And I think that for people that have been feeling heaviness, that they've been feeling like this unstable, like unsteady. Potential just rising up in them. And it's just been, whether it's themselves holding it back, whether it's just been, you know, ideas outside of them that they've just kind of ingrained. But when you get to that point, like this is the time to be able to just take that and say, okay, like I am done. Being stuck. I am done being stagnant. I am done just sitting here thinking about all the things that I wanna do and the life that I wanna make and the impact that I wanna make. And this is more painful than just doing that next thing, that next crazy thing. That might be the thing that makes all the difference, because being able to bring that and just saying like, what is it for me? Not what I think I should do, not what somebody told me that I should do. What is it for me that will really feel good? And it doesn't have to be business related. It doesn't have to be like personal development related, even like spending more time with your kids, going out in into nature, having a date night with your partner, like doing something fun. Like what is the thing that is going to light you up? And then start bringing more of that in and all of these other parts will just kind of start to line up because you're doing it from a place of empowered, like aligned self. Yes. That sounds so exciting when you say it may. Here we come. And also I think. Giving yourself the grace that it's okay not to have all the answers. I'm definitely in my type, I get it all done. I'm also a very much a solution Fix it person. Yeah. And so stepping out into that uncomfortable zone means you dunno what's going on and you don't have the answers. And that can be really hard to admit to or really hard to go with the flow. Yeah. ' cause there's a lot of, I don't know the right answer situations. Yeah. And, but, and also like reframing that like, yeah, I don't know the right answer. And so, you know what? There probably isn't a right answer. There's probably not one right answer. And isn't that awesome that I can go out there and discover a right answer or a wrong answer that'll lead me to one that's more right for me. Yes. Make the decision and make it work for you. Caught. Agreed. What, is there any things that you are looking forward to as we're coming into this next season as we're kind of really embracing this feelings of alignment, feeling of like being able to have more of that focused energy? Are there things that you are looking forward to? Are there things that are. Scaring you that you're maybe anticipating or bringing in, like what does it look like for you to kind of take these, um, new beliefs and new, uh, way of looking at things and being able to maintain? Because I think sometimes it's easy to start. Hmm. And then being able to like, continue to build on. I'm looking forward to the confidence that practice brings. So just to keep going. Helps it be less scary each time. And also gives me the confidence that I can get back to like, adding things in. I'm not there yet. I'm still focused kind of on, mostly on one thing, and that feels good, but I know the more that I. Do. And the more that I practice, the less time it'll take me to respond and the more ability I'll have to do all the things that I dream about and love at the same time. Well, you asked, you might have to ask me the question again. I lost it. I, hang on. I wanna go back to what you just said too, because I think that this is really just a really good takeaway and that is embracing the confidence that practice brings me. Yes, because doing it, getting in the reps, doing the thing and just doing it more and more and more, you become more confident. And like you're saying, like I'm not at adding more things in yet. But once those things that used to feel hard or scary or would make you a little anxious, then you start to feel confident in, 'cause you're putting in all these reps and then you can bring in another thing. Yes. Which reminded me of the second part that I wanted to say. Thank you. Opportunities, I talk about it all the time and I know how it works and I know how energy works and the law of attraction works and all those wonderful things, but it's, I say I'll say it a million times till I can't say it anymore. The difference between knowledge and wisdom, the difference between knowing something and applying it is just night and day. And so I'm finally applying some of this knowledge and it's just. Beautiful how some opportunities just open up and they are such. Grains of hope, you know, like not, not to mention how excited I am for the opportunities and go, oof, that's better than I could have come up with right now. Excellent. I will say yes. I dunno what's gonna happen, but here we go. So that's exciting. But then I know, well wait a second. If that happened, that's a good sign. The door is open and if the door is open, that means the wind can blow through and we can have something else happen. So it's just that type of momentum, that growing of the inner flame and the hope and the excitement for. This is something that's, it's happening even though I don't know what's happening or how it's happening or, or when it's happening or what it's gonna look like, allows that relief and that relaxing into that trust and that faith that I have been working on building. So that opening the door to opportunity and not feeling like I have to constantly make my opportunities, uh, is big for me. Oh, opening the door to possibility and not having to make it. Ugh. Amazing. I love it. I don't have to make it, I don't have to force it. I can just open the door to it. I, if, if people take anything from this conversation, I think that they should take that. Yay. Yeah. It's a much different approach, feeling it sounds the same, but it doesn't feel the same. It does not feel the same. No. No, there's forest feels heavy. It feels like pressure. And opening the door to possibility means I am here and I'm awaiting it. And I know, and I'm anticipating, like I'm just I feel like it's going to be good. And like you're saying, like I did these things. I tried these things, I showed up a little bit differently and now I'm seeing. These glimmers of hope and these glimmers of hope are gonna increase my confidence. I'm gonna show up even more. Right? It all goes together and at that very base level, I feel like it's that difference between I'm doing enough and I am enough. Mm-hmm. That di difference of the. Uh, let me make it happen and get all the things done. I've done, shown up and done my part. Where's the universe? Why isn't it happening? And the Oh, right. I have to just keep being, learning to be a better version of me. I'm getting excited about that and showing up in that capacity and being open to saying yes, even when I don't want to because I'm scared and then that grows. Yes. Oh, I love it. Um, is there anything else that you wanted to hit on? No. I'm really hoping you pulled a card. I sure did. All right. We got freedom. Oh, I think we got bam. Hero spirit does it again, right on Target. Swallows. All right, so Freedom. The cliff swallow. The swallow flies free on wind currents and thermals and remarkable aerial maneuvers igniting the expression as free as a bird. And many cultures such as that of the ancient Egyptians, the swallow was thought to carry souls to heaven. Early sailors would tattoo themselves with an image of a swallow, so if they drowned, the swallow would carry their soul to the heavens. Wow, and poor light, a cliff swallow looks. Brownish gray. However, in good lighting, it is luminous metallic dark blue cliffs swallows traditionally make their nests on vertical cliffs, carefully crafting them out of mud. Although they can nest solitarily, they usually nest in colonies. When one finds a cloud of insects, it alerts the other members of the flock so that all can be nourished. Even though they fly free, their community supports them. Express yourself without hesitation. Break free and let your spirit fly. Make choices that increase your freedom. Don't be tied down. Laugh, dance, explore, and go beyond predictable behavior. Be daring. Cast aside, restric. Find your wings. As you do, you'll help others find theirs. You are not here to be ordinary or live a mundane life. You are here to step beyond limitations and self-imposed boundaries. Do not be trapped by convention or the need to please others. Choose life on your terms. Don't accept rules that don't feel right. You can be immensely free and yet still be part of a loving, supportive community. So perfect. I mean, amen. Mic drop. What do you wanna say to that? There's nothing else to add. That's amazing. Say's amazing. I don't that we could act any better. No. Now I have to go find an image of a cliff swallowed. Hang up. That's fantastic. Oh, that? Yes, all of it. Well, and it just so beautifully illustrates what we just talked about, which of course is spirit nailing again. Of course it did. Yes it did. Of course it did. We're all in tune here. If you take one thing from this conversation, let it be this. You don't need to do more to move forward. You need to decide where your energy actually matters. Right now, you're likely carrying more than you need to. More expectations, more shoulds, more things that feel important but aren't actually creating movement. So here's something simple you can bring into your day. Ask yourself, what is the one area of my life that if I focused on it fully would create the biggest shift? And then, what am I willing to consciously set down to make space for that? That's the hard part, is knowing and intentionally setting something down to be able to focus on one area. But it's not forever. It's just for this season. The shift isn't in doing everything better. It's in choosing what actually matters and giving that your full energy. So let this month be the month that you stop forcing momentum and start creating it. Thank you for tuning in to Clear and on Purpose. If this conversation resonated, the best way to support the show is to rate, review, or send it to someone who'd love it too. And if you wanna be the first to hear about new offerings or coaching spots, you can join the wait list at christinaslayback.com. Until next time