Intentional Parenting: Fostering Connection, Boundaries & Autonomy Without Losing Yourself

Intentional Parenting: Fostering Connection, Boundaries & Autonomy Without Losing Yourself

Parenting isn’t just about managing behavior—it’s about building a relationship rooted in connection, mutual respect, and long-term growth.

In this episode of Clear & On Purpose, I dive into the real-life practice of intentional parenting: what it looks like, how it feels in the messy moments, and how you can balance nurturing your child’s autonomy while still holding firm, healthy boundaries.

I share personal stories from my own parenting journey—like the unexpected lessons from enforcing boundaries at the beach or during nursing when my babies were young—and how those early decisions shaped the way I parent today.

You’ll learn:

• What gentle parenting actually means (and why it’s different from permissive parenting)
• How to set boundaries that hold AND connect
• Why children thrive with both freedom and structure
• How to use natural consequences instead of punishment
• What it looks like to parent from your values, not from reactivity or pressure
• How to foster cooperation and mutual respect without losing your cool (or yourself)

Whether you're a homeschool parent, a working parent, or somewhere in between, this episode offers real talk and encouragement for those who want to raise confident, emotionally healthy, independent kids—without sacrificing connection.

💬 Let’s Continue the Conversation:
How are you practicing intentional parenting in your own home? Come chat with me on Instagram or send me a message—I love hearing your takeaways!

Resources Mentioned:

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Resources & Links

• Follow Christina @christinaslaback
• Email us at hello@christinaslaback.com
• www.christinaslaback.com

Transcript

Intentional Parenting

Christina: [00:00:00] People often think that if you're not yelling or punishing, you must not have any rules. So let's talk about the difference. Gentle parenting is a parenting style that prioritizes empathy, respect, and understanding, and parent-child interactions, while also emphasizing healthy boundaries.

It focuses on fostering a collaborative relationship and guiding children towards self-regulation and social skills through positive discipline, communication, and modeling desired behaviors. It's full of structure. It's just delivered with empathy and not fear. 

Welcome to Clear and On Purpose, the podcast design to help you cut through the noise and get back to what matters most. If you're feeling stuck, but needs to take intentional action, you are in the right place. I'm Christina Slayback, homeschooling mom of two and life and business coach, helping you drop in and align with your values and create more space.

Each week I'll be sharing practical insights and simple. Actionable steps to [00:01:00] help you find clarity, boost your energy, and design a life that balances ambition with mates. Let's dive in and get clear on purpose.

Christina: To clear and on purpose. I'm Christina, and we've been discussing intentional parenting, looking at ways to bring more intention and peace to our lives, whether we're deep in the day-to-day of parenting or just trying to figure out how to show up with more intention, connection, and way fewer power struggles.

So the goal is to help you learn how to foster connection, autonomy, and healthy boundaries in your home without losing your mind or your values in the process. When I say intentional parenting, I'm not talking about perfection. I'm talking about showing up on purpose, anchored in your values, clear about the kind of relationship you want to build with your kids, and grounded enough to not lose your cool every five minutes.

What intentional parenting [00:02:00] really means. In our household, I rarely punish our kids. We take a child, led an unschooling perspective on homeschooling. I say yes as often as possible, and I relate more to the gentle parenting philosophy. And before you write me off as being out of touch and letting the kids run the show, it doesn't mean that anything goes.

It's not permissive, it's not passive. It's not letting my kids walk all over me while I smile through a grit of teeth. 

What it is is a deep respect for autonomy, a mindful approach to emotional regulation and self-awareness. It is intentional. It's choosing to hold boundaries with empathy guide instead of control and stay connected even when things get messy. So let's talk about gentle parenting versus permissive parenting.

A common confusion is that gentle parenting is permissive parenting. People often think that if you're not yelling or punishing, you must not have any rules. So let's talk about the difference. Gentle [00:03:00] parenting is a parenting style that prioritizes empathy, respect, and understanding, and parent-child interactions, while also emphasizing healthy boundaries.

It focuses on fostering a collaborative relationship and guiding children towards self-regulation and social skills through positive discipline, communication, and modeling desired behaviors. It's full of structure. It's just delivered with empathy and not fear. We use respect, collaboration, and natural consequences not to control or shame, and it's teaching emotional regulation and social skills through that modeling and connection.

In contrast, permissive parenting is a style where parents are highly responsive and nurturing, but they make few demands of their children offering them a great deal of freedom and autonomy. They're generally very warm and loving, but they may not consistently enforce rules or boundaries. It's really high on love, but low on structure.

And that's often because as [00:04:00] parents we are sometimes unsure how and when to create and hold boundaries, and we're not able to hold the big feelings and conflict that comes from forcing them. And yes, kids do crave freedom and they also crave limits. They want to feel free, but they need to feel safe to know that someone's looking out for them, loving, protecting, and guiding them.

Think of it like a rollercoaster. Life is thrilling, wild, and free. And when you step up to the ride, you do. So wanting to experience all those feelings and the experience is also completely dependent on that safety bar. It's because we know that we are safe and secure, that we can let go and enjoy the ride.

And as parents, we are the safety bar. With intentional parenting, we're being very deliberate and mindful in creating that bar, deciding based on our own values, preferences, and philosophies, where we [00:05:00] want to set up those boundaries and standards for our children. It's taking our values and priorities and using them as a blueprint for creating our house rules and parenting standards.

And if you wanna learn more about the house rules and parenting standards, you can check out episodes 1 65 and 1 66 for more on each of those. So let's talk about what this looks like in real life. In our home, I expect mess, noise, and high energy. We say yes to risky play, creative chaos, and exuberant volumes.

So having a Pinterest worthy clean home is not one of my standards. I say yes to slime, making glitter projects and all the paint, and some of you might be cringing right now, and that's okay. Our priorities don't have to be the same. But I do prioritize healthy relationships through kindness and respect, so I don't let the kids dictate, demand, speak unkindly, or expect me to do everything for them.

I expect them to [00:06:00] treat me with respect, to ask me nicely use kind language and tones. This isn't because I want them to be polite little robots or be compliant and respect authority. In contrast, I want them to question and be assertive, but I also want them to learn how to communicate their desires in ways that promote healthy relationships.

And part of that is learning how to communicate with others courteously and kindly. I also prioritize bodily autonomy and realizing what they do and don't have control over. So they have control over their own bodies, thoughts and actions, and they do not have control over other people's bodies, thoughts or actions.

And being in a healthy relationship for me means modeling consent and that give and take of relationship. And this started young when my kids were babies. I was already setting boundaries rooted in mutual respect. I remember nursing and having to stop mid feed because they're trying to do gymnastics or they were biting me.

I'd stop, put them down and calmly explain that if we wanted to [00:07:00] continue, we needed some nursing manners. It sounds kind of funny, but even then I was modeling the idea that this was a relationship and part of that was that my needs matter too. Relationships are mutual. And now that they're older, that's grown into conversations about how we speak to each other, how we resolve conflict, and what it means to show up as a respectful human in the world.

Consequences that are built on cooperation and not fear. I rarely punish my kids, but that doesn't mean that there are consequences. I remember a moment, and this was a classic parenting lesson for me when I was getting really frustrated because we weren't getting out the door in time, was struggling, trying to get them to do all the things that we needed to to get ready.

So I told them that we couldn't go to the beach unless they cooperated with getting ready when they didn't. I followed through and. Guess what? That consequence punished me too. I [00:08:00] also didn't go to the beach, which is something that I was looking forward to, and that moment made me pause and realize that I wanted to be more intentional with consequences.

So am I setting boundaries that teach are ones that react in the moment I. Since then, I've focused more on natural and logical consequences, things that are related and make sense and that I'm willing to enforce. So in that beach example, it might've looked something like, if we don't hurry and get our stuff done, we won't be able to spend as much time at the beach.

Or better yet, proactively planning ahead and getting the stuff ready the day before as much as we can so we could avoid that day and the rush that came with it. Above all, I try to lead with connection, not control. So if I'm trying to win the power struggle, we both lose. And when I feel the pressure start to build and I wanna spout off ultimatums, I take a step back and consider, does this align with my actual parenting goals?

I pause, I check [00:09:00] in, and I remind myself I'm not raising kids who just follow rules. I'm raising future adults who can navigate life with empathy, confidence, and clarity. I.

Holding space for big emotions. When I need to hold space for big emotions, this is where intentional parenting really kicks in. There are times when my kids are disappointed with my decisions. This can be really uncomfortable. As a parent, it's hard to see your child upset, and also from a personal nervous system perspective, it can seem easier to simply give in and make it stop.

This sets a precedent for behavior and would lead to more power struggles. So this is where I really need to consider the long game. When we're in the middle of a meltdown, this is the perfect opportunity to teach emotional regulation, resilience, and respectful dialogue. They can come to me with a strong voice, not whining and yelling and explain what they desire.

It may be that they present a new [00:10:00] argument or negotiate something that makes sense and I may change my perspective, or it could not, and I hold the space for their feelings while acknowledging their disappointments as I hold the boundary, and instead of taking their reaction personally or getting reactive myself, I stay steady.

What I don't do when holding a boundary is waiver simply because they've warned me out with pestering or whining. I will listen to valid disagreements or different perspectives, but if they're simply complaining or whining about it, the answer is an automatic no. I say things like, I see you're upset. I understand I'm here for you, and the boundary still stands.

This is not always easy, especially when emotions are high. But because I know by sticking to my larger goals and being with them through the discomfort, I'm creating more stability and security, and that small shift has created a home where my kids feel safe to express themselves, [00:11:00] and they can also count on me to be steady, consistent, and compassionate, even when they don't get their way Intentional.

Parenting isn't a set of rules, it's a mindset. It's choosing to respond rather than react. To lead with empathy, but hold firm when needed to keep the long game in mind, even when the short game looks like a Lego minefield and a meltdown over the wrong color cup. If you're parenting from a place of connection, if you're checking in with your values and if you're willing to model the things you want your kids to learn, you're doing it right.

You don't have to do it all perfect. The work isn't about being perfect. It's about being present, purposeful, and clear. And your kids, they feel that they trust that and they grow because of that. If this episode resonated with you, I'd love to hear from you. Screenshot and tag [00:12:00] me on Instagram or leave a review in the show.

It helps more intentional mamas and parents find their way to this work. Until next time, stay clear and on purpose.

Thank you for tuning in to clear and on purpose. If you're ready to take intentional steps toward a more fulfilling life and wanna customize the approach, I'd love to work with you. Visit www.christinaslayback.com to schedule a free consultation or explore current offers designed to help you gain clarity.

And reclaim your energy. And don't forget to subscribe and share this episode with a friend if you found it helpful. It helps others find the show and grow our community.